Just what the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I conflicting personalities that I know will never go away?
I wish to dive into oblivion, and never come out. There I can spend the rest of my life; lost in the darkness, never to respond to what I am. The human species has grown out of the will to survive and into the will to be happy. These two wills are driving me insane, are they? I have a will to be happy, but does it really conflict with a will for the human species to survive? Do I even have that will? In truth, I feel the human race to be that of a parasite. We leech of the world for our own gain, and one day all life will be gone. Like it matters, we are a freak accident on this planet, destined to be the only life in the universe for a millennia. Ignorance is bliss... I wish to drink in ignorance until I drown, then
I've convinced myself that humans are so useless, that I've started to take it on the only person that I could. There is "good" in this world... Have I become so blinded by my hatred and attempts to drown in bliss that I can't see it? Maybe it's my will to be happy that has driven me insane... I'm pretty sure it has...
I was never meant to love. I never will be. I cannot have love and still be a human. Even if I were some other type of animal, love would destroy me... No, "love is a word, the connection that it implies is..." something like that from the last Matrix... Impurity... Is this what I hate? Is this what drives me mad? I've pondered at why people frown upon child porn... It's not because of their physical bodies, and the impurity installed in them when subjected to sex and what not... It's the mental scarring, the taint injected into their minds, their pure innocent minds. We were all like that: blissful without a care from the world or our bodies. Change is never easy. I dislike change, and the length of time it occurs has nothing to do with it. It's just easier when it occurs over a long time... Too bad the world changes so damn fast..
Just need sleep...
but should I post this? Should I submit the world to my horrible thoughts? It would be for the bast, but I'd hate myself more later.I cant think right i dont know wat to do and wat not to do. I know that i need sleep butdo i post and leacve ot open to comments pr mpt evem [pst at a;;I hate myself I hate being truthdul and hearing other people tell me their thoughts but all ill do is contradict myselflaterive never been pure..